BIZARRO EXCLUSIVE: YOU WILL NOT NOT BELIEVE WHO AM TOP 5 CANDIDATES FOR WORCESTER CITY MANAGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FOR FIRST POST ON BLOG, ME OFFER BIZARRO EXCLUSIVE: STUFF YOU ALREADY READ IF YOU COMING HERE FROM TWITTER!!!!!!!

AS YOU MAY NOT OR MAY NOT KNOW, WE AM SWORN TO SECRECY REGARDING THE TOP 5 CANDIDATES FOR CITY MANAGER HERE IN WORCESTER. WHICH AM WHY ME AM REVEALING THEM RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CANDIDATE #1:

FRANCIS C. ABRAMSON, 49, OF WHATELY.

EXPERIENCE: 13 YEARS AS PRESIDENT OF A FACTORY WHICH MANUFACTURES “DO NOT REMOVE” TAGS FOR MATTRESSES.
PROS: INTENT ON CONTROLLING THE PIGEON POPULATION.
CONS: … BY REPLACING ALL MUNICIPAL CELLPHONES WITH PIGEONS.
IMPRESSION: 6/10, AND EXCELLENT TASTE IN HATS.

CANDIDATE #2:

FERNANDO J. LAMAS, 75, OF DENNIS.

EXPERIENCE: HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE BROKERING RELEASE OF ICONIC INFLATABLE POLAR BEAR FROM BROCKTON ROCKS FANS IN ’04.
PROS: CAN PULL GOLD DOUBLOONS FROM YOUR EAR.
CONS: SPONTANEOUSLY BURSTS INTO SONG, COMPLETE WITH BACKUP DANCERS.
IMPRESSION: 3/10. OVERQUALIFIED.

CANDIDATE #3:

B’LEPTKA, 722, OF LUNENBURG.

EXPERIENCE: 500 YEARS AS CHIEF LOGISTICS OFFICER IN THE PLANNED SECTOID SUBJUGATION OF EARTH.
PROS: CAN READ PHIL PALMIERI’S MIND.
CONS: FOUND NOTHING THERE.
IMPRESSION: 7/10, BUT ONLY IF B’LEPTKA CAN SUCCESSFULLY BE RELEASED FROM THE SECRET X-COM BASE IN METHUEN.

CANDIDATE #4:

TIMMY WRIGHT, 1, OF WORCESTER.

EXPERIENCE: 4 MONTHS WALKING, 1 LONG WEEK BASHING ON A TOY PIANO.
PROS: BORN AND RAISED LOCALLY.
CONS: WHEN ASKED ABOUT WHETHER HE WOULD SUPPORT A LOWER COMMERCIAL TAX RATE, HE STARTED CRYING.
IMPRESSION: 9/10, AND ONLY NEEDS TO BE PAID IN YO GABBA GABBA STICKERS.

CANDIDATE #5:

WILLIAM FEEGBEH, 47, OF WORCESTER.

EXPERIENCE: 5 YEARS RAMBLING INCOHERENTLY ON STREET CORNERS AT 2 AM IN THE MORNING.
PROS: MORE ARBITRARY THAN ME.
CONS: MIGHT NOT BE ARRESTED AGAIN.
IMPRESSION:

10/10!!!!

FEEGBEH WILL BRING AN UNPRECEDENTED INCREDIBILITY TO WORCESTER !!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PAX FEEGBEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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2 thoughts on “BIZARRO EXCLUSIVE: YOU WILL NOT NOT BELIEVE WHO AM TOP 5 CANDIDATES FOR WORCESTER CITY MANAGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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