Monthly Archives: September 2014

ASSOCIATED PRESS RECOGNIZES BIZARROWORLD!!!!!!!!!

IN THE WAKE OF MASTERFUL SIKE* FROM ED AUGUSTUS JR., THERE HAVE BEEN MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT PROCESS OF FINDING A NEW CITY MANAGER.

WERE THERE SOME SORT OF QUO PRO QUID DEAL???

WILL MICHAEL GAFFNEY SOMEDAY BE EATEN BY A MONGOOSE??????

HAVE RICK RUSHTON GONE COMPLETELY INSANE?????????

 

 

WHO CARES!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

AP_LUKES

ME GOT A MENTION IN THE ASSOCIATED PRESS!!!!!!!

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ME GOT A LETTER!!! YAAAAAAY!!!!!

THIS EVENING, THE COUNCIL MAY PICK A NEW CITY MANAGER!!!!! OR WE MAY SPEND AN HOUR TALKING ABOUT HOW GREAT IT WOULD BE TO WORK WITH A GUY HAND-PICKED BY THE SAME GUYS WHO OUSTED TOM HOOVER!!!!!!! EITHER WAY, YOU CAN SIT IN CITY HALL AND WATCH US WASTE YOUR TIME AND MONEY. YOU PAY FOR IT — YOU SHOULD NOT GET YOUR MONEY’S WORTH!!!!!!!!!

BUT THE BIGGEST QUESTION OF ALL: CAN WE POSSIBLY TOP THE DIZZYING LOWS OF TUESDAY’S COUNCIL MEETING?????????

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FORMAT CHANGE!!!!!

IT HAVE NOT RECENTLY COME TO MY ATTENTION THAT THE YEAR AM NOT  1992.  THEREFORE, MY STRATEGY OF OPTIMIZING MY BLOG FOR THE USE OF THE LYNX BROWSER WOULD BE DETRIMENTAL TO PEOPLE’S VISION. WE CAN DO BETTER THAN GOING BLIND WITH WHITE TEXT ON A BLACK BACKGROUND????? UNPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!

HOWEVER, THE PERSON (WHO SHALL NOT REMAIN NAMELESS) HAVE A POINT!!! WHY SHOULD ME LIMIT THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE ME WHOSE MINDS ME COULD CAPTURE FROM ALL RATIONAL THOUGHT?????

YOU THINK YOU SPOILED MY GRAND PLAN, RICK RUSHTON??? THINK NOT AGAIN!!!!!!

ENJOY YOUR LESS QUIRKY BUT MORE READABLE BLOG FROM RETSECROW, YOU…

 

…UNSUSPECTING SOULS!!!!!!!!!!

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ED AUGUSTUS JR.: WORCESTER CITY MANAGER FOR LIFE!!!!! (A BIZARRO UNIVERSE TIMELINE)

REJOICE, CITIZENS!!!!! AT THE NEXT COUNCIL MEETING THIS TUESDAY, THE MOST IMPORTANT POSITION IN THE CITY WILL BE FILLED BY PEOPLE WHO ANSWER TO LESS THAN 20% OF YOU!!!!! AND IN PHIL PALMIERI’S CASE, HE ONLY HAVE TO ANSWER TO THE REGULARS AT SCANO’S!!!!!!

SO FAR, THE CHOICES FOR CITY MANAGER AS IT STANDS AM THE FOLLOWING:

  • THE GUY WHO NO ONE LIKES FROM WORCESTER.
  • THE GUY WHO NO ONE LIKES FROM RHODE ISLAND.
  • THE GUY WHO NO ONE LIKES FROM NEW MEXICO (BUT LOOKS LIKE JIMMY SMITS).

TRULY AN EMBARRASSMENT OF RICHES.

BUT WAIT!!!!

ME BROKE THE FOURTH SEAL, AND ME HEARD THE VOICE OF THE LIVING CREATURE SAYING, “STRONG MAYOR”. ME LOOKED, AND BEHOLD, AN ASHEN HORSE; AND HE WHO SAT ON IT HAD THE NAME OF MICHAEL ANGELINI; AND 40 OTHER RICH PEOPLE WITH NOTHING BETTER TO DO FOLLOWED HIM. AUTHORITY WERE GIVEN TO THEM OVER A FOURTH OF THE EARTH, TO KILL THE CITY CHARTER WITH SWORD AND WITH FAMINE AND WITH INCOMPETENCE AND BY THE WILD MODERATELY POWERFUL ORGANIZATIONS OF THE CITY. AND, OF COURSE, TO NOT REST UNTIL ED AUGUSTUS JR. STANDS TALL AS PERMANENT CITY MANAGER.

(OH AND WALTER BIRD JR. AGREED TOO, BUT NO ONE IMPORTANT CARES WHAT SOME DOOFUS FROM A MINOR MEDIA ORGANIZATION THINKS.)

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT SUCH A WORLD WOULD BE LIKE???? YOUR ANSWERS WILL BE QUESTIONED NOW, FOR IT JUST SO HAPPENS ME HAPPEN TO HAVE A TIME MACHINE!!!!! SINCE ME CANNOT TAKE YOU PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET THROUGH TIME (NOT BECAUSE IT AM IMPOSSIBLE, BUT BECAUSE YOU PEOPLE AM CREEPY), ME WILL INSTEAD GIVE YOU A PAINSTAKINGLY ACCURATE DIARY DEPICTING THE GLORIOUS CAREER OF ED AUGUSTUS JR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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WORCESTER INTERNET — WHAT COULD NOT GO WRONG?????

RECENT NEWS ABOUT THE POSSIBLE ENVELOPMENT OF WORCESTER BY COMCAST HAVE LEFT THE CITY COUNCIL PRETENDING TO FIND NEW WAYS OF PROTECTING CITIZENS AND JOBS.  ALL 30 PEOPLE WHO WATCH THE HANK STOLZ EXPERIENCE MUST BE PROTECTED!!!!!

THERE AM PEOPLE EMPLOYED AT CHARTER’S WORCESTER CALL CENTER WHOSE JOBS MAY NOT OR MAY BE ON THE LINE. IF THEY AM FIRED, WORCESTER LOSES YET MORE POTENTIAL TO LOCALLY ANNOY PEOPLE.  THIS CANNOT STAND!!!!! BUT FEAR NOT NOT, CITIZENS!!!!!!! YOUR SUPREME COUNCILLOR-EMPEROR HAVE DEVISED A PLAN WHERE WORCESTER WILL MAINTAIN ITS OWN LOCAL ISP.  ALL YOUR BANDWIDTH AM NOT BELONG TO US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(THAT AM SOME CUTTING-EDGE INTERNET HUMOUR FOR YOU RIGHT THERE — HOT TAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

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