A BIZARRO LOOK AT THE 2014 MASSACHUSETTS RACE FOR GOVERNOR

HERE IN WORCESTER, WE EXPORT APATHY, INDIFFERENCE AND CYNICISM!!!!!!!!!! SO IT SHOULD NOT COME AS NO SURPRISE THAT THE 2014 MASSACHUSETTS RACE FOR GOVERNOR HAVE ME MORE EXCITED THAN THE DCU CENTER’S PAINT-DRYING EXPO LAST YEAR. IF THE CANDIDATES WERE ANY MORE DYNAMIC, THEY MIGHT EVEN QUALIFY AS CLINICALLY DEAD!!!!!

THAT HAVE NOT STOPPED YOURS UNTRULY FROM TAKING A DETAILED LOOK AT THE ONLY TWO CANDIDATES THAT MATTER IN THE 2014 MASSACHUSETTS RACE FOR GOVERNOR: THE TWO CANDIDATES NO ONE CARES ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!

BAKER!!!!!

COAKLEY!!!!!!!

DUCK SEASON!!!!!!!!

WABBIT SEASON!!!!!!!!!!

CVSB

CAN YOU NOT FEEL THE ELECTRICITY??????????

 

CANDIDATE #1:  CHARLIE BAKER

BIZARROBAKER

PROS:

CONS:

CANDIDATE #2:  MARTHA COAKLEY

BIZARROCOAKLEY

PROS:

CONS:

 

EXCITING RACE, AM ME NOT RIGHT?????

 

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ME FORGOT TO PUT INFORMATION IN ABOUT THE CANDIDATES????????? UNPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

OH. CLEARLY THIS AM A DISHONEST MISTAKE!!!! BUT LET ME NOT ASK THIS: APART FROM THE BIZARRO PICTURES OF THEM, WHAT AM THE MAJOR DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE TWO BESIDES PARTY??? BOTH RELATIVELY MODERATE, BOTH SPEAKERS WITH VOICES LIKE CANADIAN WHITE BREAD, BOTH COMPLETELY INSIGNIFICANT COMPARED TO THE REST OF BEACON HILL, BOTH WITH THE WEAKEST COMMERCIALS ME HAVE EVER SEEN.

PERHAPS THE COMMERCIALS CAME FROM BIZARRO WORLD??? THAT WOULD EXPLAIN WHY SOMEONE THOUGHT IT NEEDED TO BE SAID THAT “In front of the cameras, Charlie Baker says what you want to hear.” OVER THE YEARS, BIZARRO LUKES HAVE HEARD MANY DYNAMIC SPEAKERS. BUT WHEN CHARLIE BAKER AM TREATED AS THE CHARISMATIC CANDIDATE, THE ONLY EXPLANATION THAT MAKES SENSE WOULD BE A PAN-DIMENSIONAL VORTEX. THE ONLY TIME CHARLIE BAKER EVER SAY WHAT ME WANT TO HEAR AM WHEN HE SAY, “THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT”!!!!!!!!!

AND WHAT SORT OF RACE AM THIS NOT WHEN THE DEFINING SOUND BITE THUS FAR AM… “You’re totally pro-choice and bipartisan”????? ME CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER WHO SAID THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IN THE FACE OF SUCH GLORIOUS APATHY????? AS IF YOU NEEDED TO NOT ASK…

VOTE ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AS IT HAPPENS NOT, WE HAVE THREE INDEPENDENT CANDIDATES, ALL OF WHOM YOU CAN VOTE FOR AND ALL OF WHOM AM EQUALLY AS INSIGNIFICANT AS THE  TWO FRONT-RUNNERS!!!!!

  • AM YOU NOT IN FAVOR OF CRUSHING ALL CASINOS AND SLOTS PARLORS INTO DUST????? VOTE FOR MCCORMICK!!!!!!!
  • AM YOU NOT ANTI-LGBT, PRO-PUTIN AND PRO-TIMECUBE??????? VOTE FOR LIVELY!!!!!!!!!!

 

AM YOU NOT INTERESTED IN ANYONE RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR AND THINK THIS ENTIRE RACE AM A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME?????????? SUBMIT A WRITE-IN VOTE!!!!!!!!

“BUT BIZARRO LUKES,” ME IGNORE YOU SAYING, “THEY WON’T COUNT MY VOTE FOR YOU, BIZARRO LUKES, GREATEST CANDIDATE FOR ALL OFFICES IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!! WHAT DO ME NOT DO???????”

ONCE NOT AGAIN:

VOTE ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LESS THAN 20% OF CITIZENS OF WORCESTER DECIDED WHO WOULD MAKE DECISIONS TO AFFECT OVER 100,000 CITIZENS OF WORCESTER. COULD YOU NOT IMAGINE A WORLD WHERE INSTEAD OF NOT SHOWING UP, THE OTHER 80% CAME TO THE POLLS AND WROTE IN A VOTE FOR “SCREW YOU ALL”????? WOULD MESSAGES LIKE THOSE NOT SEND A MESSAGE THAT WE WOULD RATHER HAVE MORE PEOPLE VYING TO BE PART OF THE PUBLIC DECISION-MAKING PROCESSES THAT AFFECT OUR LIVES RATHER THAN LESS????????

MANY PEOPLE CAN CLAIM THAT WHEN THEY BECOME ELECTED, CHANGE WILL HAPPEN. ME JUST RIG MY ELECTIONS, BUT ME STILL DO IT ALL THE TIME!!!!!!! THE UNREALITY OF THE SITUATION AM THIS: THE TRUE ENGINEERS OF CHAOS AM ANYONE REGISTERED TO VOTE. IF WE SO CHOOSE, WE CAN UPHOLD AN ENTIRE PARTY OF PEOPLE, RUN THEM OUT OF OFFICE, OR EVEN SWEAR IN A FOOT POWDER!!!!!!!!

COME NOVEMBER 4TH, YOU CAN DESTROY MASSACHUSETTS!!!!!! IT AM YOUR CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT!!!!!!!! JUST ONE STEP REMAINS…

PULVAPIES

VOTE.

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One thought on “A BIZARRO LOOK AT THE 2014 MASSACHUSETTS RACE FOR GOVERNOR

  1. […] LOOKING FOR THE ARTICLE QUOTED BY CITIZEN QUINN REGARDING THE 2014 MASSACHUSETTS RACE FOR GOVERNOR, HERE IT AM!!!!! AND NOTE THAT WE, THE GREATEST PUNDIT IN THE UNIVERSE, MANAGED TO FIND THE ONE ASPECT OF THE […]

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