HOW DID ME GET HERE????? WHAT DO THIS BUTTON DO?????????

SOME OF YOU HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING ME SINCE MY ENTRY INTO THIS WORLD IN 2011. OTHERS MAY SIMPLY BE WONDERING WHY ME CAN’T STOP TYPING IN ALL CAPS.

WELL IF YOU HAVE NOT BEEN WONDERING THIS, THEN THIS AM YOUR UNLUCKY DAY!!!!! BECAUSE ME CAN’T DECIDE BETWEEN SOFT-HITTING ESSAYS FULL OF HORRIBLE PUNS AND SELF-INDULGENT PARAGRAPHS ABOUT THE SOUTH WORCESTER INDUSTRIAL PARK OR KARYN POLITO’S CYBERNETIC ARM OF JUSTICE, THE ANSWERS YOU NEVER WANTED SHALL NOW BE QUESTIONED… TODAY!!!!!!!

BRACE YOURSELVES FOR THE LEAST EXCITING STORY OF ALL TIME: AN ORIGIN STORY!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT ALL STARTED WHEN KONSTANTINA LUKES UNWITTINGLY PUT HER NAME FORWARD FOR MAYOR OF WORCESTER IN 2011. A MASTER OF FLIPPING OFF THE REST OF THE COUNCIL SINCE AT LEAST 1995, HER HALLMARK HAVE BEEN THE VARIOUS WAYS OF SAYING “NAY” WITHOUT MATTERING ONE IOTA IN THE GRAND UNIVERSAL PLAN FOR THIS CITY. HER MORTAL ENEMY RICK RUSHTON HARRIED HER AT MANY TURNS, BUT NOT IN 2011!!! WITH JOE PETTY AS HER ADVERSARY AS OPPOSED TO A PROPER FOIL, SHE SEEMED LOST!!!!!

THE FABRIC OF REALITY HAD BEEN TORN.

QUICKLY, ME TOOK REFUGE IN THE ONE PLACE NO ONE WOULD EVER THINK TO LOOK: THE SECRET BASEMENT OF CITY HALL!!!!! FROM THERE, ME SET UP A SECRET FORTRESS AND THEN A SUMMER BASE BENEATH WORCESTER AIRPORT. ME WILL NOT MISS THAT BASE SO MUCH… EVER SINCE PEOPLE STARTED ACTUALLY COMING TO THE AIRPORT AT THE END OF 2013, IT GOT TOO NOISY!!!!!!!!!

BUT IN A MATTER OF MONTHS, MY EMPIRE TOOK ROOT. THERE WERE PLENTY OF LOWLIGHTS IN THOSE EARLY DAYS. MY ILL-FATED FEUD WITH PAULA DEEN. THE SOPA TWEETS. THE SPURNED MARRIAGE PROPOSALS TO FORMER WORCESTER MAGAZINE WRITER JEREMY SHULKIN.

AND THEN IN 2012, FORTUNE SMIRKED UPON BIZARRO WORCESTER!!! REALITY BROKE APART EVEN FURTHER!!!!!!

A DOPPLEGANGER OF GARY GEMME EMERGED. GO LOCAL WORCESTER COMBINED FORCES WITH THAT’S SO RAVEN! TO FORM THE GREATEST LOCAL NEWS MEDIA ORGANIZATION OF ALL TIME. THE SPLINTERS IN THE TIME-SPACE CONTINUUM SPAWN NEW ANOMALIES EVEN NOW.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THEM. MORE ABOUT ME!!!!!

BY FAR, MY GREATEST MOMENT WERE WHEN ME COMBINED FORCES WITH PROFESSORS KIDNAPPED FROM UMASS TO CREATE AN ARMY OF SCOTT BROWN CLONES!!!!!! THEY OCCASIONALLY HAVE MALFUNCTIONED BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS, BUT OTHER THAN THAT, THEY PREPARE AN ACCEPTABLE TRIPLE MOCHACCINO WITH AN EXTRA SHOT OF METHAMPHETAMINE.

2013 WERE A BANNER YEAR IN WHICH ME LOST MY SECOND CAMPAIGN FOR MAYOR, BUT CERTAINLY DID NOT MAKE A STRING OF SELF-INDULGENT “FAREWELL” TWEETS AFTERWARDS. BUT THE HIATUS ALLOWED ME TO ESTABLISH A BASE IN A LONG-OVERLOOKED, BUT CRUCIAL STRATEGIC LOCATION IN ORDER TO ESTABLISH DOMINANCE OVER ALL INTERNET IN WORCESTER: THE BLOGOSPHERE. WITH THIS, ME NOW CAN LEVERAGE MY CTHULU-ESQUE PRESENCE INTO A MONEY-MAKING GAME THAT CAN EARN ME MILLIONTHS OF DOLLARS IN A MATTER OF DECADES!!!!!!!!!

FURTHERLESS, WITH NATIONAL RECOGNITION FROM THE ASSOCIATED PRESS, BURIED RIGHT IN THE 7TH PARAGRAPH, ME CAN MERCILESSLY TURN MY OPPOSITION UPSIDE-DOWN WITH ANTI-GRAVITAS!!!!! NONE SHALL CHALLENGE MY DOMAIN OVER ALL IN WORCESTER THAT MEANS NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LET THE BIZARRO SALUTE NOT COMMENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1241795697_slo-mo-blowing-raspberries[1]

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , ,

HAVE A COMMENT??? AMUSE ME OR SUFFER!!!!!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: