MINUTES FROM THE APRIL 1ST CHANDLER MAGNET SCHOOL BALL FIELD MEETING

(BIZARRO NOTE: THE PLAN WERE OFFICIALLY CANCELLED, BUT SINCE WE PUT SO LITTLE EFFORT INTO THIS RIP-OFF OF A SIMPSONS CLASSIC, WE THOUGHT WE SHOULD POST IT ANYWAY…)

 

SIMPSONS_AUGUSTUS

Ed Augustus Jr:
Y’know, a city with a ball field’s a little like the panhandler with a credit card. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it!

(audience laughs)

Rick Rushton:
Heh heh! Panhandler.

Ed Augustus Jr:
The name’s Augustus, Ed Augustus Junior. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest…

Aw, it’s not for you. It’s more of a Lawrence idea.

Joe Petty:
Now wait just a minute! We’re twice as smart as the people of Lawrence! Just tell us your idea and we’ll vote for it!

Ed Augustus Jr:
All right, I tell you what I’ll do. I’ll show you my idea!

I give you… the Chandler Magnet Parking Lot!

(everyone gasps)

I’ve sold parking lots to Dana, Enfield and Greenwich and by gum, it put them on the map!

Monorail_Map

Well, sir, there’s nothing on earth like a
genuine,
bona fide,
electrified,
600-car parking lot!

What’d I say?

Phil Palmieri:
Parking lot!

Ed Augustus Jr:
What’s it called?

Janice Harvey and Dianne Williamson:
… Parking lot.

Ed Augustus Jr:
That’s right! Parking lot!

Audience:
Parking lot… parking lot… parking lot…

Jo Hart:
I hear those can get awfully loud.

Ed Augustus Jr:
Only when it’s being plowed!

Sarai Rivera:
Is there a chance that birds could die?

Ed Augustus Jr:
Not on your life, Councillor Sarai!

John Fresolo:
What about us brain-dead slobs?

Ed Augustus Jr:
You’ll be given municipal jobs!

William Breault:
Were you sent here by Grace Ross?

Ed Augustus Jr:
No, good sir, from Holy Cross!

Gary Rosen:
The ring came off my pudding can!

Ed Augustus Jr:
Use your comb, my good man!

I swear it’s Worcester’s only choice!
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!

All:
Parking lot…

Ed Augustus Jr:
What’s it called?

Parking lot…

Once again!

PARKING LOT!!!!!

 

Tracy O’Connell Novick:
But traffic there will still be broken.

Konstantina Lukes:
Sorry, Tracy, the bigshot’s spoken!

 

Parking lot!

        Parking lot!!

                PARKING LOT!!!

 

                        PARKING LOT!!!!!

 

Michael Germain:
Parking… d’ohh!

Advertisements
Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

One thought on “MINUTES FROM THE APRIL 1ST CHANDLER MAGNET SCHOOL BALL FIELD MEETING

  1. savvybear1981 says:

    Reblogged this on The Savvybear Blog and commented:
    I read this using the late great Phil Hartman as the voice of CM Augustus…

HAVE A COMMENT??? AMUSE ME OR SUFFER!!!!!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: