OUR OBLIGATORY PATRONIZING LIST OF PICKS FOR WORCESTER MAGAZINE’S BEST OF WORCESTER 2015 AWARDS!!!!!

IN CASE YOU’VE NOT BEEN LIVING UNDER A ROCK AND AM THEREFORE NOT THE TARGET AUDIENCE FOR WORCESTER MAGAZINE, WORCESTER MAGAZINE ONCE AGAIN ASKED ITS READER TO PICK THE SUPERLATIVES OF WORCESTER!!!!!!!!! THIS NOT ONLY PROVIDES A SPOTLIGHT TO LOCAL BUSINESSES, PEOPLE AND SERVICES, BUT ALSO GIVES WALTER BIRD JR A CHANCE TO TEACH TOM QUINN THE ART OF STACKING SODA CANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE HAVE OF COURSE MADE A TOKEN PUSH FOR THE CITIZENS OF WORCESTER TO VOTE BIZARRO!!!! (SORRY, TOM — WE PROMISED A MORE SHAMELESS CAMPAIGN, BUT BIZARRO AFFAIRS OF STATE GOT IN OUR WAY. YOU’D BE SURPRISED HOW MUCH YOU HAVE TO CLEAN UP AFTER AN ARMY OF SCOTT BROWN CLONES.) WE EVEN TRIED THE FACEBOOK FOR ADVERTISING OUR MAGNIFICENCE!!!!!!!!

THE RESULTS SHALL BE PUBLISHED NEXT THURSDAY. BUT UNTIL THEN, WE THOUGHT WE SHOULD DO WHAT EVERY OTHER MEDIOCRE BLOGGER DO, WHICH AM TO GIVE YOU WHAT WE PICKED FOR THE BEST OF WORCESTER!!!!!!!! OF COURSE, LISTS LIKE THOSE AM BORING. SO INSTEAD, IN A DECISION SHAMELESSLY STOLEN FROM INSPIRED BY TOM QUINN, WE HAVE DECIDED TO RUN OUR PICKS THROUGH THE EVER-INFALLIBLE AUTOCORRECT FEATURE ON OUR BIZARRO PHONE AND PRESENT OUR EXPERT DEPICTION OF THE RESULTS!!!!!!!!

BEST SPA

TUMOR A

TUMOR A

 

 

BEST BAR AMBIENCE

HOTEL VERIZON BAR

HOTEL VERIZON

 

 

BEST CHEESEBURGERS

BEST LIVE MUSIC VENUE

RALPH WALDO EMERSON’S TRANSCENDENTAL DINER

RALPHS

 

 

BEST PIZZA

BEST CATERING

CIALIS BELLA

CIALIS BELLA

 

 

BEST WINGS

WINDOWS OVER WORCESTER

WINDOWS OVER WORCESTER

 

 

BEST ANNUAL FESTIVAL

stAPLES ON THE STREET

STAPLES ON THE STREET

 

 

BEST BOWLING ALLEY

COLONOSCOPY BOWLING CENTER

COLONOSCOPY BOWLING

 

 

BEST RESTAURANT

O’CONNELL NOVICK’S RESTAURANT AND BAR

OCONNEL NOVICKS

 

 

 

 

BEST COLUMNIST

JANICE DICKINSON HARVEY

JANICE DICKINSON HARVEY

 

 

BEST PLASTIC SURGEON

STAR WARS BENTKOVER, M.D.

STAR WARS BENTKOVER

 

 

BEST HOT DOGS

THE DOG-FACED GREMLIN FATHER

DOG-FACED GREMLIN FATHER

 

 

BEST MUSEUM

eCOTRIN tARIUM

ECOTRINTARIUM

 

 

BEST BLOG

BIZARRE LOVE TRIANGLE WORCESTER (*)

BIZARRE LOVE TRIANGLE

 

 

 

NOW IF ANY OF OUR 15 CHOICES DON’T WIN, WE SHALL BE BLAMING EACH AND EVERYONE ONE OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEE YOU THURSDAY!!!!!!! WE IN BIZARRO WORCESTER AM PREPARING OUR ACCEPTANCE SPEECH NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(*) YES, THAT AM SUPPOSED TO BE CLIVE MCFARLANE, A TURTLE (WITH BOY) AND JANICE HARVEY. OUR DEPICTION OF MR. MCFARLANE, MS. HARVEY, MR. BOY OR MR. TURTLE SHOULD IN NO WAY BE TAKEN AS RACIST, BUT IN EVERY WAY BE TAKEN AS OUR WAY OF SAYING, “WE HAVE LESS DRAWING TALENT THAN LITTLE TIMMY, AGE 6.”
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5 thoughts on “OUR OBLIGATORY PATRONIZING LIST OF PICKS FOR WORCESTER MAGAZINE’S BEST OF WORCESTER 2015 AWARDS!!!!!

  1. Turle This says:

    Amuse you? This thing you call a blog is a piece of crap.

  2. epb says:

    darth vader’s opponent looks like a weiner….

  3. Frank says:

    Hello, I enjoy reading all of your post. I wanted to write a little comment to
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  4. […] COMPLEX PRESENTED A MILLION TIMES, OCCASIONALLY LEGIBLE BETWEEN ADS AND MEMES THAT MAKE OUR LOW-EFFORT WORK LOOK LIKE JOHN SINGER SARGENT (WE WOULD LINK THE ARTICLES, BUT WE THOUGHT SAYING “WE HEARD […]

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