TRUMP PROTEST DON’TS AND DOS

TOMORROW, THE FABRIC OF REALITY SHALL BE TESTED LIKE NEVER BEFORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DONALD TRUMP SHALL BE SPEAKING IN WORCESTER TOMORROW ON NOVEMBER 18TH AT THE DCU CENTER AT 7 PM. THIS SHALL BE PART OF HIS “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN EXCLAMATION POINT” TOUR; APPROPRIATE SINCE AS WE ALL KNOW, AMERICA SUCKS AND WORCESTER AM EXHIBIT A.

SHOCKINGLY, WE HAVE LEARNED THERE MAY BE PEOPLE IN WORCESTER WHO DO NOT LIKE TRUMP!!!!! SOME OF THEM MIGHT EVEN DISLIKE HIM ENOUGH TO… PROTEST??? IN WORCESTER?!?!?!?!?!? UNTHINKABLE!!!!!!!!! UNPOSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED IN A CITY WHERE WE NEVER SEE ANYONE PROTEST ABOUT ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE, DISRESPECTING THE MOST ESTEEMED SPEAKER TO VISIT WORCESTER SINCE THE GREAT CARLOS MENCIA!!!!!!!!!!

OF COURSE, SECURITY SHALL BE AT MAXIMUM. WE HAVE HAD A RECENT BREAK-IN AT THE ARMY RESERVES BUILDING, FUELING SPECULATION THAT SOMEONE MIGHT BE UNBALANCED ENOUGH TO ASSASSINATE A PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE, EVEN IF TRUMP HAVE LESS CHANCE OF GETTING ELECTED THAN WE DO. ACCORDINGLY, WE HAVE HEARD THAT SECURITY MEASURES DEPLOYED INCLUDE UNDERCOVER OFFICERS AND EXPLODING DOGS.

WITH TENSIONS AT AN ABSOLUTE MAXIMUM, WE THEREFORE HAVE TAKEN IT UPON OUR BIZARRO SELVES TO INTERVENE IN THE INTERESTS OF PUBLIC SAFETY. WE HAVE RECENTLY PUBLISHED A LIST OF DON’TS AND DO’S FOR PROTESTING, WHICH WE NOW PRESENT ONLINE FOR YOUR EDIFICATION!!!!!!!!!! THIS WAY, WITH NEWS MEDIA FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO BOTH EXERCISE YOUR FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHT AND AVOID BEING CRUSHED BY HEAVY STONES FROM TRUMP’S PRIVATE SECURITY BARBARIANS.

THINK OF US AS THE LOVE CHILD OF EMILY POST AND ABBIE HOFFMAN.

  • DON’T THROW PIES AT TRUMP.
  • DO OFFER HIM ONE OF GARY ROSEN’S COMBS.
  • DON’T BLOCK TRAFFIC.
  • DO BLOCK THE FOX 25 CAMERAS.
  • DON’T RESERVE TICKETS WITH THE INTENT OF LEAVING EMPTY SEATS.
  • DO OFFER UNWANTED TICKETS TO THE HOMELESS.
  • DON’T SMUGGLE IN WEAPONS OR ANY OTHER SUSPICIOUS DEVICES.
  • DO SMUGGLE IN NAT NEEDLE.
  • DON’T BRING IN SERVICE DOGS.
  • DO BRING IN SERVICE PIGEONS.
  • DON’T COMPARE DONALD TRUMP TO TURTLE BOY.
  • DO COMPARE DONALD TRUMP TO THAT BLUE BALL ON THE DENHOLM BUILDING.
  • DON’T QUESTION TRUMP ON LOCAL ISSUES SUCH AS OPIOID ADDICTION OR DEALS WITH THE PAWTUCKET RED SOX.
  • DO QUESTION TRUMP ON HAVING A MODICUM OF DECENCY.

 

  • DON’T HOLD UP CARTOON CARICATURES OF TRUMP.
  • DO ASK WHY ANYONE WOULD ELECT A WALKING CARTOON CARICATURE.
  • DON’T COMMIT VIOLENCE.
  • DO COMMIT COMEDY.

 

 

 

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