PROGRAMMING NOTE: COVERAGE OF HOW MUCH WORCESTER.GOV SUCKS, PLUS THE CASE FOR MOSAIC

AFTER OUR INTENSE COVERAGE OF THE TRUMPOCALYPSE AND THE LOCAL ELECTIONS BEFORE THAT, WE CONCEDE TO HAVING BEEN IN A STATE OF BIZARRO BURNOUT.  OUR PLUTONIUM-LINED JACKET AM TOTALLY DEPLETED!!!!!!!!! WE PLAN TO REMEDY THIS WITH AN IN-DEPTH LOOK AT HOW MUCH WORCESTER.GOV, OUR CITY’S E-FACE, MAY OR MAY NOT SUCK. BUT UNTIL THEN, WE THOUGHT WE SHOULD ADDRESS THE MOST PRESSING TOPIC IN WORCESTER TODAY, DESPITE IT BEING INHERENTLY UNFUNNY: THE CASE AGAINST MOSAIC.

THOSE WHO READ THE CTRL+ALT+DEL TO OUR HOMESTUCK HAVE HEARD THE CASE AGAINST THE MOSAIC CULTURAL COMPLEX PRESENTED A MILLION TIMES, OCCASIONALLY LEGIBLE BETWEEN ADS AND MEMES THAT MAKE OUR LOW-EFFORT WORK LOOK LIKE JOHN SINGER SARGENT (WE WOULD LINK THE ARTICLES, BUT WE THOUGHT SAYING “WE HEARD FROM A FRIEND OF A FRIEND THE AUDIT MIGHT COME BACK DIRTY” AND THEN PARAPHRASING PRIOR ARTICLES ON MOSAIC TO FILL THE REST OF YOUR WORD COUNT DESERVED AN EQUAL LEVEL OF EFFORT FROM US). EVERYONE FROM JANICE HARVEY TO CHRISTOPHER PINTO RIPPED INTO THEM, AND WE EXPECT TONIGHT’S COUNCIL SESSION TO BE UGLIER THAN SEXTING WITH JOHN FRESOLO.

THEREFORE, LET US PLAY BIZARRO ADVOCATE… AND ADDRESS THE CASE FOR MOSAIC.

GAFFNEY_MOSAIC

WE SEE NO NEED TO REHASH THE DETAILS OF THE HISTORY OF BLACK LIVES MATTER IN WORCESTER OR THE “KELLEY SQUARE FOUR” (WHICH WE THOUGHT SOUNDED EXCESSIVE FOR ONE OF THE LEAST THREATENING GROUPS THIS SIDE OF THE APPLE DUMPLING GANG). TO MAKE A SHORT STORY LONG, THE BEHAVIOR OF A FOR-PROFIT MUNICIPAL SUBCONTRACTOR WHILE ACCEPTING PUBLIC MONEY LED SECOND BANANA-ELECT MIKE GAFFNEY TO ORDER AN AUDIT OF MOSAIC BEFORE IT GOT AMENDED TO ONE THAT MIGHT NOT BE CONSTRUED AS A DISPLAY OF GOVERNMENT OVERREACH BLATANT ENOUGH TO PRODUCE A BLACK HOLE DUE TO SO MUCH CONCENTRATED IRONY.

NONE OF THAT SIDESHOW TRULY MATTER NOW. EVEN MOSAIC’S PAST SUCCESSES NO LONGER MATTER, AT LEAST FOR THE PUBLIC AT LARGE. WE FIND THE CASE FOR MOSAIC TO BE ONE THING: THE BARBERSHOP HEALTH NETWORK — THE REASON WHY MOSAIC RECEIVED GRANT MONEY IN THE FIRST PLACE — HAD ACTUALLY BEEN A GREAT IDEA.

ONE DETAIL OVERLOOKED ABOUT MOSAIC WOULD BE THAT THEY DID, IN FACT, PRESENT A PLAN TO IMPROVE PREVENTATIVE HEALTHCARE. THEREFORE, IT SHOULD SURPRISE NOBODY THAT WE HAVE YET TO SEE ONE NAME POP UP THAT MUCH: DR. TEO-CARLO STRAUN, MOSAIC’S MEDICAL DIRECTOR. ONE COULD QUESTION HIS PRIVATE PRACTICE OFFERINGS. BUT SINCE NO ONE GAVE A DAMN ABOUT HIM BEFORE, WE HARDLY CARE ABOUT HIS CREDENTIALS NOW. BESIDES, DR. STRAUN’S PLAN TO IMPROVE HEALTHCARE IN AN UNDERSERVED POPULATION REQUIRED ONLY TWO THINGS: VOLUNTEERS AND CHEAP MEDICAL EQUIPMENT.

THAT HAD BEEN THE $300,000 IDEA THAT WON THE GRANT IN THE FIRST PLACE: BRINGING VOLUNTEERS WITH BASIC HEALTHCARE SCREENING TOOLS TO BARBERSHOPS. ANYONE COULD DO THIS. NO DOCTORS NECESSARY; JUST BLOOD PRESSURE CUFFS, GLUCOMETERS AND PAPER WITH TESTS MINED FROM A GOOGLE SEARCH. ANYTHING ABNORMAL, AND YOU REFER THEM TO CLASSES DESIGNED TO KEEP THEM FROM NOT DYING TOO SOON.  A DECEPTIVELY SIMPLE PLAN, AND THE REASON WHY EVERYONE FROM SARAI RIVERA TO JOHN KERRY HAD BEEN SINGING THEIR PRAISES.

THIS COULD SAVE LIVES.

OF COURSE, SOMEONE DROPPED THE BALL.

BALDINO_MOSAIC

NO, NOT HIM. NOT EVEN HIS WIFE. NOT EVEN THAT CONSULTING GROUP, ALTHOUGH IT WOULD SEEM OPPOSITE JUSTICE TO PAY CONSULTANTS WITHOUT MAJOR ISSUES, YET TAKE SO LONG TO SECURE FUNDS FOR PAYING REGULAR STAFF THAT MOSAIC MIGHT HAVE VIOLATED STATE LABOR LAWS.

NO. WE MEAN THE OFFICE MANAGER.

THE PRICE OF HELPING SOMEONE FOR ONE MINUTE??? SOMEWHERE AROUND 5530 HOURS OF PAPERWORK. SUCH AM LIFE OF A NONPROFIT IN 2015, SPENDING 30 GRAND TO JUSTIFY 15 BUCKS FOR A BLOOD PRESSURE CUFF. BUT YOU DO PAPERWORK AS WELL AS THE REST OF DILIGENCE, DUE AND BEYOND, FOR MANY REASONS:

  • TO ALLOW THE PROGRAM TO BE REPLICATED.
  • TO GET MORE MONEY.
  • TO ENSURE ANYONE THREATENING YOU WITH AN AUDIT CAN ONLY WASTE THEIR OWN TIME AND MONEY.
  • TO COVER YOUR ASS.

MOSAIC’S #1 PROBLEM WOULD APPEAR TO BE THEIR PARTNERS — INCLUDING THE CITY ITSELF — WHO FAILED TO COME THROUGH. HOWEVER, A LOOK AT THE AUDIT REVEALED MOSAIC CLEARLY HAD ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT. IN THE WORST CASE, IF CLINGING TO PARTNERS LIKE OVERLY ATTACHED GIRLFRIEND WERE NOT POSSIBLE, THEN THEY HAD TO PLEAD THEIR CASE TO THE PUBLIC FAR, FAR EARLIER. PERHAPS REACHING OUT TO MICHAELANGELO MANGUAL FOR PR WORK MIGHT HAVE BEEN HELPFUL BEFORE THAT SHIP SAILED FOR GOOD.

IN ANY CASE, OF ALL THE STRIKES AGAINST MOSAIC, WE CONSIDER THE BIGGEST STRIKE OF ALL TO BE THEIR LEADERSHIP KNOWING THEMSELVES TO BE UNDER A MUNICIPAL MICROSCOPE AND FAILING TO BRACE FOR THE WORST IN A CITY WHERE THE WORST CAN OFTEN HAPPEN. A CHALLENGE TO BE SURE, BUT MEETING IT MIGHT HAVE IMPROVED MOSAIC’S CHANCES OF GETTING SO MUCH AS A DIME FROM THE CITY OF WORCESTER EVER AGAIN.

HOWEVER… WHILE THE FINDINGS HAVE BEEN TROUBLING, THEY HAVE BEEN NOT NEARLY TROUBLING TO THE DEGREE THAT THEIR LIKELY COUNCIL PILLORY SESSION SHOULD BE CONSTRUED A VICTORY. THERE HAD BEEN NO WRONGDOING, ONLY INCOMPETENCE SHARED IN PART BY EVEN WORCESTER ITSELF.

THEREFORE, WE WONDER… WHY SO MUCH DANCING ON ITS IMPENDING GRAVE? FOR LESS THAT IT WOULD TAKE TO FUND GARY ROSEN’S HAIR CARE FOR A YEAR, AUGMENTING WORCESTER’S HEALTHCARE NETWORK COULD SAVE MONEY. WHY SHOULD ANYONE OBSESSED WITH ALLEGED THUGS, PUNKS AND FERAL HIPPIES BE GLEEFUL AT THE PROSPECT OF ONE OF THEIR COMPLAINTS NOT BEING ANSWERED? ECSTATIC AT A NICKEL HOLDING UP A DOLLAR??? HAPPY THAT WORCESTER WOULD BE A MORE MISERABLE PLACE TO LIVE?!?!?!?

KNOCK OFF THAT DIVISION BY ZERO!!!!!! GET YOUR OWN BIZARRO WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AUGUSTUS_MOSAIC

WE HAVE SEEN FAR WORSE IDEAS FLOATED IN THIS CITY SUCH AS SLOTS PARLORS, SUPERFLUOUS PR AGENCIES, CIAO BELLA PIZZA BRIBES, GIVING PIF MONEY TO THE KROCK FAMILY, BRAGGING ON THE INTERNET ABOUT BEING A JERK AT A BILLS GAME, THE ROTATING CHAIN-LINK FENCE EXHIBIT IN DOWNTOWN WORCESTER, AND RON O’CLAIR’S BID FOR COUNCIL. UNFORTUNATELY FOR MOSAIC, THEY COMMITTED THE HIGH CRIME OF BEING NON-FRUGAL WITH PUBLIC FUNDS IN THE FACE OF A POLITICAL SHARK TANK. AT THE END OF THE DAY, THEY FAILED TO DELIVER ON THEIR GRANT PROMISES.

AS A RESULT, ONE OF THE FEW TRULY BRILLIANT IDEAS TO GROW IN WORCESTER THIS PAST DECADE WOULD APPEAR TO BE IN JEOPARDY. IF THE BARBERSHOP HEALTH NETWORK WERE TO RETAIN FUNDING THROUGH MOSAIC, THEY MUST BE CREATIVE (WE WOULD SUGGEST HITTING UP JOHN KERRY FOR A FEW HUNDRED THOU). AT LEAST THEN THERE MIGHT BE A CHANCE TO SEE WORCESTER’S PUBLIC CLAIM OF “police lives matter, people of color lives matter, all lives matter” ENCRUSTED WITHIN ONE LESS NUGGET OF BULLSHIT.

BUT TONIGHT, NO ONE SHALL WIN THE BATTLE OF MOSAIC CULTURAL COMPLEX.

ANYONE CLAIMING VICTORY FOUGHT THE WRONG DAMN WAR.

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