BIZARRO ELECTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

WE CONTINUE RESEARCH INTO WORCESTER.GOV AND HOW IT MAY OR MAY NOT SUCK.

BUT FIRST, WITH A NEW YEAR COME NEW CHALLENGES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ONE OF THOSE CHALLENGES???? IN AN UNEXPECTED TWIST….. PANDIMENSIONAL ELECTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU, OUR READER, MAY PARTICIPATE IN SHAPING THE DESTINY OF AN ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WITH ANY LUCK, WE MIGHT EVEN BEAT WORCESTER’S 2013 TURNOUT NUMBERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE FACTIONS REIGN IN BIZARRO WORLD. UNLIKE THIS CRAZY WORLD, BIZARRO WORLD AM NOT DIVIDED BY POLITICS. WE AM DIVIDED BY GRAMMAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEREFORE, WE HAVE GIVEN UNEQUAL TIME TO REPRESENTATIVES FROM ALL THREE FACTIONS. PLEASE VOTE FOR YOUR FAVORITE OR ALTERNATIVELY, VOTE FOR WHICHEVER STYLE YOU THINK WOULD GIVE US AN ANEURYSM TO WRITE.

 

CLASSIC BIZARRO CAPS LOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE AM TRUSTING THIS DO NOT NEED NO INTRODUCTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BOLD. ICONOCLASTIC. SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS. LUNK-HEADED. THESE AM JUST SOME OF THE MANY THINGS PEOPLE HAVE SAID ABOUT OUR BORDERLINE SCHIZOPHRENIC WRITING STYLE. A VOTE FOR CLASSIC BIZARRO CAPS LOCK AM A VOTE FOR THE STATUS QUO; BUSINESS AS UNUSUAL. BLOCK LETTERS, ARBITRARILY INVERTED TURNS OF PHRASE, A FETISH FOR FIRST PERSON SINGULAR TENSE… YOU KNOW THE DRILL. WE DRIVE IT INTO YOUR SKULL EVERY TIME WE SPEAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

VOTE FOR US AND PROVE WE HAVE EITHER DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT OR HORRIBLY, HORRIBLY WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Modest Regular Case

You might’ve gotten the impression that everyone in Bizarro World speaks like some sort of roided up freak who you’d normally see at your local Walmart buying 52 tubs of shockingly affordable whey protein. Well, we in the Regular Case Modesty Party plan to prove you wrong. We have a modest proposal.

Who really needs all that idiosyncratic grammar? We believe that Jonathan Swift had it right all along; just write something that looks normal and then slip in the part about how Cthulhu and elder gods made Mike Gaffney’s political career possible. It’s not as eye-catching as a big bold statement in Caps Lock. Oh sure, we’ll add some quips like “What the Fresolo” and our usual retinue of Scott Brown clone jokes. But it’ll be nice and internet-standard English prose without the gimmicks.

This would probably be a good time for a snappy tagline about hot takes I guess.

 

no caps no commas just ellipses………………..

heya….

were kind of new…….. but were also not…….

youve probably seen us in comment sections and facebook posts…. anyone whos anyone from everyone from steve quist to rick rushton to even gary gemme writes like this…..

it would save us $$$$$ on shift keys…..

and we could type whole diatribes with one hand….

great if the other hand….

is busy…

doing…

something…

….

…..

… like taxes

vote for no caps no commas no punctuation except lots of periods…

were chill…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

sorry i feel asleep

 

CAST YOUR VOTES!!!

BIZARRO_VOTING

LOBBY FOR YOUR FAVORITE BELOW!!!!!!

WINNERS TO BE ANNOUNCED IN THREE WEEKS’ TIME.

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