PROGRAMMING NOTE: “YOU IDIOT!!! YOU QUOTED HIS STUNT DOUBLE!!!!!”

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AS STATED ON OUR TWITTER ACCOUNT (WHICH WE SHALL NOT BOTHER DEALING WITH HERE), OUR LONG-AWAITED “YOUR CITY WEBSITE SUCKS” TOUR SHALL COMMENCE ON MARCH 13TH. WE SHALL COMPARE VARIOUS MUNICIPAL WEBSITES TO WORCESTER’S. THIS SPECIAL COVERAGE SHALL COINCIDE WITH SUNSHINE WEEK AND THE UPCOMING “BEST OF WORCESTER” AWARDS TO FINALLY CEMENT OURSELVES AS THE JENNY PACILLO OF THE WORCESTER BLOG SCENE!!!!!!!!

(IN AN ODD TWIST, JENNY PACILLO AM THE BIZARRO WORCESTER OF THE WORCESTER BLOG SCENE. NO IDEA HOW THAT HAPPEN.)

BUT FIRST… WE NOTE THE RECENT FLAP OVER A FACEBOOK POST WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE BEEN MADE BY THE PEOPLE’S COUNCILOR, MICHAEL GAFFNEY. IN AN ATTEMPT TO LAY THE SMACKETH DOWN ON HIS WOULD-BE IMPERSONATOR, MR. GAFFNEY REPORTEDLY TOLD SAID IMPERSONATOR TO TAKE THEIR COMMENT, SHINE IT UP REAL GOOD, TURN THAT SUMBITCH SIDEWAYS AND STICK IT UP THEIR CANDY ASS!!!!!!!!! OF COURSE, WE REPORTED THAT SO YOU SHOULD PROBABLY REFER TO THE 3 ACTUAL JOURNALISTS COVERING THIS ALONG. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO IGNORE DIANNE WILLIAMSON AND CLIVE MCFARLANE AS YOU WISH, HOWEVER.

ESPECIALLY SINCE OUR SUPERIOR TAKE AM ON MASSLIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

INSTEAD OF DISSECTING THIS CONSPIRACY JFK-STYLE AS TO WHETHER OR NOT THE POST ACTUALLY CAME FROM MR. GAFFNEY OR MERELY BACK AND TO THE LEFT, BACK AND TO THE LEFT, BACK AND TO THE LEFT… WE SHALL COMMENT ON BOTH INSTANCES OF SCHROEDINGER’S POST SO YOU HAVE TWICE THE OPINIONS TO IGNORE!!!!!!!!

SITUATION #1: GAFFNEY MADE THE POST.

WE’VE SPOKEN BEFORE ABOUT GAFFNEY’S “GO BIG OR GO HOME” STYLE OF POLITICKING. MAKING THE POST HIMSELF WOULD ALSO MEAN HE ENGAGED IN A COVER-UP WHICH WOULD DRAW EVEN MORE SATIRE. WE ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS TO BE THE LESS LIKELY OF THE TWO; PLAUSIBLE OF COURSE GIVEN THE INTERNET AND HOW IT CAN MAKE YOU STUPID, BUT UNLIKELY.

TO ASSUME THAT OUR POLITICAL SCENE AM SO WEAK THAT ONLY TURTLEBOY SPORTS CAN EFFECTIVELY WATCH THE INTERNET WOULD BE FOLLY AT BEST. AND WITH FACEBOOK’S CONSTANTLY SHIFTING PRIVACY POLICIES, DREDGING UP INFORMATION ON DELETED POSTS MIGHT SOMEDAY BE FAR EASIER THAN HAPPENING TO BE IN THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME.

LESSON TO ANY FUTURE WOULD-BE BS ARTISTS: POLITICIANS CAUGHT IN A LIE MAKE THE BEST SATIRE FODDER.

SITUATION #2: A GAFFNEY IMPERSONATOR MADE THE POST.

FOR OUR $.0000000000002, WE FIND THIS MORE LIKELY THAN GAFFNEY FABRICATING A LIE HIMSELF. WHILE GAFFNEY COULD BE SUFFERING FROM COPROLALIA, THIS WOULD SEEM A DRAMATIC DEPARTURE FROM HIS USUAL SNIPPY, HOLIER-THAN-THOU, PETULANT, RAFAEL BARBA WANNABE ATTITUDE ON SOCIAL MEDIA WHEN ACTUALLY ADDRESSING SOMETHING NEGATIVELY:

Aww, the hippies all want to be me. So cute, just sitting in their Spider-Man PJs playing internet warrior.

FOR THE RECORD, WE HAVE STAR TREK PJS!!!!!! MATCH, SET, GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS WOULD MAKE GAFFNEY’S TIT-FOR-TAT RESPONSE A MAJOR TACTICAL ERROR, AND ONE WE WOULD EXPECT — OF ALL PEOPLE — SOMEONE SO INTIMATE WITH TURTLEBOY SPORTS ARTICLES (AND WE DON’T MEAN THE WRITERS’ ROB GRONKOWSKI UNDEROOS) TO AVOID.

 

IN EITHER CASE, THE CONVERSATION HAVE BEEN STARTED. NOT UNLIKE THE PREFERRED M.O. OF VENERABLE TURTLEBOY SPORTS, ALTHOUGH THIS CONVERSATION MIGHT HAVE STARTED WITH A LOUD, WET FART… WE HAVE SOME SERIOUS ISSUES TO DISCUSS.

WE DIDN’T FIND THE POST PARTICULARLY FUNNY; EVEN THOUGH WE CONSIDER THE INTENT TO BE MORE SUBVERSIVE THAN INCISIVE (ASSUMING IT TO BE FAKE), WE DIDN’T SEE MUCH WIT TO MAKE IT MEMORABLE IN AND OF ITSELF. IT WOULD ALSO BE A PARTICULARLY IDIOTIC STATEMENT FOR GAFFNEY TO MAKE (ASSUMING IT TO BE REAL), EVEN IN THE CONTEXT OF HIS NATIONAL GUARD HISTORY. IN ANY CASE, THIS WOULD BE EXACTLY THE SORT OF POST YOU ONLY MAKE TO PICK A FIGHT.

HOWEVER, WE ALSO DON’T FIND TURTLEBOY SPORTS FUNNY MUCH OF THE TIME. IN FACT, WE FIND TURTLEBOY SPORTS WRITING ON AVERAGE TO BE ON PAR WITH THAT LEGENDARY CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE READY 2 RUMBLE. IN FACT, YOU COULD TAKE 90% OF THE TURTLEBOY SPORTS ARTICLES, DUB THEM OVER THIS CLIP, AND WE BET IT WOULD SYNC PERFECTLY.

AND WE SHALL CONSIDER THAT FOR FUTURE BLOG ENTRIES.

BUT WE DIGRESS. IN THE END, MY SUBJECTIVE AND SUPERIOR OPINION ON HUMOR MEAN VERY LITTLE… AND NOT JUST BECAUSE WE BOMB WORSE THAN WOLF BLITZER ON JEOPARDY. TO NOT IDENTIFY  TURTLEBOY SPORTS OR THE LIKELY GAFFNEY IMPERSONATOR AS SATIRE WOULD OPEN US UP TO A WORLD WE DO NOT WANT TO CONSIDER.

ADDITIONALLY, A HAXXER SPEAKING ON OUR BEHALF STATED THE FOLLOWING ON MASSLIVE:

Gaffney’s statement about his reputation being destroyed probably rallied his detractors as much as his supporters.

WELCOME TO POLITICS IN THE DAWN OF SOCIAL MEDIA. GAFFNEY INDULGED AT LEAST ONE “COUNILOR”, WHICH WE ADMIT MIGHT BE A PARODIC STATEMENT IN ITSELF OR JUST AN IN-JOKE WE MISSED SOMEWHERE. THEREFORE, JUST AS CLIVE MACFARLANE DID IN EARLY 2015 WITH TURTLEBOY SPORTS… GAFFNEY ELEVATED HIS DETRACTORS, OR LOWERED HIMSELF TO THEIR LEVEL, OR BOTH. NOW WE HAVE QUESTIONS AS TO THE PROFESSIONALISM ONE SHOULD EXPECT OF A CITY COUNCILOR IN AND OUT OF THE CHAMBER, AS WELL AS WHAT STANDARDS WE SHOULD EXPECT — IF ANY — IN POLITICAL SATIRE.

 

OUR BIZARRO MORAL OF THE STORY: LOWER THE LEVEL OF DISCOURSE AT YOUR OWN PERIL.

 

NOW IF YOU’LL NOT EXCUSE US, WE SHALL BIZARRO SALUTE THE FALLEN MIKE GAFFNEY IMPERSONATORS.

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