Tag Archives: 50 ZLODY

THE 2015 WORCESTER ELECTIONS: A RAMBLING RECAP OF THE BEST, THE WORST, AND THE INVETTIBLE

FOREMOST AND FIRST, WE THANK ALL VOTERS WHO WENT TO THE POLLS IN SPITE OF NOT BEING ABLE TO WRITE IN A BIZARRO VOTE. WE KNOW THIS MADE YOUR CHOICE DIFFICULT.

ALTHOUGH WE CANNOT CLAIM A TRUE SENSE OF PRIDE OVER A 21.3% TURNOUT (DESPITE IT BEING THE HIGHEST TURNOUT BY PERCENTAGE SINCE 2009, AS NOTED BY BIG SMARTY-PANTS REPORTER AND SPELLCHECK-BREAKER NICK KOTSOPOULOS), WE CAN AT LEAST TAKE SOLACE THAT IT TROUNCED 2013’S TURNOUT OF 14.4%!!!!!

THEREFORE, LET US TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THE WINNERS AND LOSERS OF THE 2015 ELECTIONS IN WORCESTER.

SPOILER: NONE OF THE LOSERS SHALL BE US. WE GOT ALL OUR PREDICTIONS RIGHT. ESPECIALLY OUR PICK FOR MAYOR.

 

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THE BIZARRO WORCESTER TICKET

INTIMIDATED BY THE BALLOT??

CONFUSED BY WORCESTER’S MEGABUCKS-STYLE COUNCIL ELECTION PROCESS????

LOOKING FOR OUR BIZARRO TICKET TO MAKE YOUR VOTING LIVES EASIER ON NOVEMBER 3RD?!?!?!?!?!?

LOOK NO FURTHER, CITIZEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE HAVE ALREADY MADE PREDICTIONS REGARDING THE WORCESTER ELECTIONS FOR SCHOOL COMMITTEE, CITY COUNCIL AND MAYOR, WHICH WE GUARANTEE TO BE AT LEAST 1% ACCURATE, AND WHICH WE MADE PROBABLY WAY TOO PREMATURELY. BUT EVEN THOUGH WE CAN RIG THE ELECTIONS WITH ONE SNAP OF OUR FINGERS, WE UNDERSTAND SOME OF YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW WHO WE WOULD VOTE FOR IF SUCH A THING WERE NOT AN ABOMINATION IN BIZARRO WORLD.

WE HIGHLY RECOMMEND BLOC VOTING (AS HAVE LESSER BLOGS) AND WE UNDERSTAND OTHER MORE RESPECTABLE SITES SHALL BE GIVING ENDORSEMENTS IN THE NEXT 2-3 MONTHS IF THEY HAVE NOT ALREADY. WE WOULD DO THE SAME. JUST ONE PROBLEM…

WE DO NOT HAVE A BIZARRO TICKET.

NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!!!!!!!!

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