AND NOW, WE FINALLY BRING A MERCIFUL END TO OUR “YOUR CITY WEBSITE SUCKS” COVERAGE FOR SUNSHINE WEEK WITH A CITY NEAR AND DEAR TO US: BUFFALO, NEW YORK.
EAGLE-EYED WORCESTER BLOGOSPHERE HAUNTS SHALL RECALL BUFFALO TO BE THE HOME OF ONE OF THE GREATEST SPORTS BLOGS OF ALL TIME: BUFFALO BRUISES. BUT BETWEEN THE SNOW, POLITICS AND THE BUFFALO BILLS, THIS DOWNTRODDEN CITY (HEY, IT FEEL GOOD TO SAY THAT ABOUT A CITY BESIDES WORCESTER FOR A CHANGE!!!) DO HAVE THINGS TO BE HAPPY ABOUT, INCLUDING A FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT HOUSE, THE FIRST NATURAL GAS WELL IN THE UNITED STATES, AND A HOST OF PAINSTAKINGLY RESTORED BUILDINGS.
BUT SHOULD BUFFALO’S WEBSITE BE COUNTED AS ONE OF ITS PRIZED POSSESSIONS, ARDENTLY DEFENDED BY A #BUFFALOCITYWEBSITEMAFIA????? OR WOULD THE HOTTEST TAKE BE THAT IT SUCKS??????????????????
(BIZARRO NOTE: THANK GOD WE DON’T HAVE TO PUT IN ONE OF THOSE LEAD-INS AGAIN.)
METHODOLOGY
FIRST, WE PERFORM A SERIES OF TASKS ONE WOULD TYPICALLY EXPECT FROM A GOVERNMENT WEBSITE. THEN, WE COMPARE THOSE RESULTS TO THAT OF OTHER WEBSITES FROM CITIES OF SIMILAR SIZES ACROSS THE US. THEN WE ASSESS A SERIES OF ARBITRARY PENALTIES BASED ON SUBJECTIVE RAGE INDUCED BY THE PROCESS. WE SCORE LIKE GOLF (OR THE PREFERRED BIZARRO VERSION, FLOGGING); LOWER SCORES == BETTER THAN. IT COULD BE SIMPLER, BUT THEN YOU’D END UP ON A WEBSITE WHERE THE GRAPHIC DESIGNER WENT BOBBING FOR APPLES IN GASOLINE BEFORE MAKING THE ADS. AT LEAST WITH OUR FAUX-BUDGET WORDPRESS SITE YOU GET A SURPRISINGLY READABLE WEBSITE DESPITE OUR BIZARRO CAPITALIZATION AND BASED PRONOUN USAGE.
IN ALL CASES, WE ASSUME CITY HALL STAFF WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO HELP IN PERSON OR VIA PHONE WITH ANY TASKS YOU MIGHT REQUIRE OF THEM, IF FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN THAT THEY OTHERWISE HAVE TO DEAL WITH POLITICIANS ALL DAY.